Complicity

It was with great sadness that I read on page 10 in the Tampa Tribune (articles by Lynne Tuohy entitled “Prep School graduate convicted of sex crimes), on August, 29th, 2015 of the conviction of Owen Labrie in Concord, New Hampshire. “Although the rape charge was dropped this 19 year old was convicted of a lesser sex offense charge which could net him 11 years in jail (another reports said up to 7 years) and will insure that he has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.” The charge on which he was convicted stemmed from him participating in a traditional ritual, “the Senior Salute”, at the very exclusive St Paul’s School. The tradition was that senior (boys I assume) competed to see how many younger students they could have sex with.  Mr. Labrie had sex with a 15-year-old freshman.

Nbcnews.com reported that:

“Prosecutors said Labrie, through emails and Facebook messages, manipulated the then-15-year-old freshman to meet him two days before his graduation in a secluded attic on campus, where consensual physical touching progressed into intercourse that she did not want to have.

“He was convicted on three counts of misdemeanor sexual assault, endangering the welfare of a child and a felony count of using a computer to seduce a minor under 16, which requires him to register as a sex offender.”

"We still feel betrayed that St. Paul's School allowed and fostered a toxic culture that left our daughter and other students at risk to sexual violence," the family added. "We trusted the school to protect her and it failed us."

The two-week trial has cast a harsh light on the Episcopal boarding school, whose alumni include Secretary of State John Kerry, former FBI Director Robert Mueller, a Kennedy and three Vanderbilt’s.”

What are the issues in this case?  They include:

·      Both “kids” putting themselves in a position, which was likely to get out of control.  This was “stupid”.

·      Mr. Labrie, a child,  wanting to prove himself to his classmates and not having the strength/courage to say no.

·      A system, which makes it impossible or nearly impossible without grave consequences for Mr. Labrie to admit his behavior. (Assuming it is true that his semen was found on her underwear)

·      Everyone who knew about the tradition, “The Senior Salute” not having the courage to use their power as respected adults to stop it.

·      A culture which continues at some level to maintain that “boys will be boys” which includes the belief that boys have to sow their wild oats with females while females remains celibate (Good trick! There have always been sacrificial females.)

·      A culture which often still bulks at teaching sex education or responsible sexual behavior; acknowledging that kids are very sexual from an early age.

·      A culture, which continues to view sexual conquest as a path to manhood (check the ads).  This is true for males and increasingly true for females.

·      A culture, which continues to see the use of a computer as different than other forms of communication. Thus, the felony charge related to the use of the computer as a means of enticing her to meet him.

·      The school staff.

·      All the adults who knew the well kept “secret”.

·      A culture, which makes it difficult for “adults” to admit to participating in such a tradition and, thus, cannot help stop it.  A culture more committed to punishment.

·      A culture, which looks for victim and a perpetrator as a way of letting themselves off the hook.

·      A culture that pretends that it is normally possible for a male or female to “just say no” at any point after having agreed to a certain level of sexual stimulation.  Really?  That is ideal but is this realistic, especially for kids.

Shall we assume that all of our esteemed male leaders such as secretary John Kerry, Mr. Mueller, J. P. Morgan and 94 others I found in a list of famous alumni (interesting aside – only one woman on the list unless I misinterpreted some name) were innocent and/or ignorant of this tradition?  Of those still living should we just presume their guilt and put them on the sexual offenders list (assuming they would have used a computer if they had access to that technology when they attended)?

What is or should be the goal now that the school has been “outed”?  It could be:

·      Show that we punish people in engage in such practices by punishing Mr.Labrie.

·      Admit our complicity and devise a plan to make serious cultural changes.

·      Identify all those in Mr. Labrie’s class and make examples out of them.

·      Blame females for putting themselves in vulnerable situations.

·      Teach females realistic safety measures. If one does not want to find them in compromising situations one needs to not get drunk, use other drugs and not wear revealing clothes.

·      Teach males to quit setting themselves up by putting themselves in compromising situations. Do not get drunk or use other drugs, which impair one’s judgment.  (Perhaps responsible males and females who are at the height of their sexual desire should always masturbate before putting themselves in potentially “dangerous” situations with people they could be sexually attracted to (same or opposite sex).

·      Insure that more high school and colleges have classes on gender studies – male and female.  A few colleges have them.  Very few high schools officially teach gender studies. These studies include discussions of self worth, which is not sexual conquest.

·      Accept community complicity and responsibility and together focus on solid plans, which work for more kids and their parents while making attempt to honor religious beliefs.   On other hand, religious beliefs, which pretend to address problem, are not to be rubber-stamped.

·      Do away with sexual offenders list, which is about punishment and delusions of safety.